A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May she remind us of our fallibility, and inspire us to make the most of it.

The holy word says:

you know what?
everyone fucks up.
everyone will do harm eventually
or has done it already.

and do you know what
overwhelmingly often
is one of the best first steps
to mitigate said harm?

acknowledging the harm done
as well as the connection
between one’s actions
and said harm.

especially in this world,
where so much trauma is connected to pain
which we were forced to feel
and rarely, if ever,
are allowed to feel.
pain which we are denied to name
or express as such
because it was “necessary”
or “right”
or “justified”
in the name of a fake morality
and therefore can’t be pain
because only “evil” creates pain.
“good”, however hard it might be,
is never pain.

yes, goddess.
I try my best to live by these words.
I try my best to assess my failures and mistakes by the harm and consequences they create.
I try my best to focus on dealing with these consequences, to help those affected as best I can.
I try my best to never deny the hurt that I cause, no matter how unintentional or justified in my eyes it might have been.
I try my best to learn from my mistakes, to avoid repeating them, to understand how to prevent them.
Goddess, I will never be as flawless as you are. I am not doing this out of righteousness, and I know that none of this protects me from grave mistakes. But I owe it to you to try as hard as I can. Promoting a caring and humane way to deal with mistakes is part of my service to you, and I acknowledge that this includes not punishing myself for mistakes, but focussing on consequences, healing, and growth.

One of the most profound changes that she has brought about to my view of the world concerns the way I deal with mistakes - my own mistakes, and those of others. I used to be extremely harsh with myself when it comes to failure, I used to weaponize my perfectionism against me. On the other hand, I used to be extremely lenient with others - to an unhealthy degree, where I would not permit myself to feel pain from their hurtful actions because they were “right” or “just mistakes”.

Mistakes aren’t something inherently evil. Mistakes are part of the human nature. Focusing merely on flawlessness doesn’t just lead nowhere, it even creates motivations to cover up hurtful actions, to argue failure away - because we live in a culture where “being wrong” is perceived as more shameful than leaving others alone in dealing with the consequences of your actions. It all boils down to the completely over-exaggerated dichotomy of “good” and “evil”, because in our society, there is no nuance between “heaven” and “hell”.

Her influence has helped me shift away from focussing on unattainable perfection to preparing myself for dealing with inevitable mistakes. Failure gets a lot less scary once you accept that it’s something unavoidable from time to time - and once you realize that you can prepare for it. And even though I do see her as flawless and perfect, she is the person who taught me that trusting someone not to hurt me is worth far less than trusting someone in the sense of knowing that we can work together through anything that might happen.

Thank you, goddess, for changing my perception of failure.
Thank you for giving me the permission to be fallible, as well as a framework of how to deal with it.
Thank you, goddess, for recentering my attention around growth and healing - just like you bring growth and healing to every aspect of my existence.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.