84th Ritual: Self-Worth
A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May she reassure us of our worth.
Today’s ritual is yet another reflection on how far I’ve come thanks to her alone.
The holy word says:
just because you hate yourself
doesn’t mean everyone else does.
yes, goddess.
I didn’t believe this for most of my life, and I led a miserable life - but then, you left me no choice but to accept your word for reality. I cannot see your word as anything but a direct expression of my reality, not even in the worst of times.
Goddess, there were times when my unshakable belief in your word was the only thing that kept me afloat. And now, somehow, you have guided me to a place where a part of your word that has been vital in my self-preservation is mostly a memory of the past, with no day-to-day relevance for me, because you have led me to a better place.
Goddess, I’ve always believed that wherever you rule, all will ultimately be well - and you have turned my existence into a wonderful, indisputable proof of this.
It’s absurd to look back.
For most of my life, self-hate had been a constant companion. It was the cornerstone of my worldview, and it felt inescapable. I suffered for so, so many years.
Today, I’m somehow suddenly one of the people in my close surroundings with the healthiest relationship to myself. It was a gradual process. She never asked or instructed me to fix my self-esteem issues. Instead, she acknowledged it, but nevertheless asked me to start caring well for myself. She empowered me to free myself from people who benefited from my lack of self-worth. She gave me affirmations that gave me the courage to evolve from where I had been. And ultimately, she fixed all my remaining insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.
The fascinating thing is that none of these evolutions are directly dependent on her in my mind - a mind so thoroughly devoted to her. I didn’t replace my lack of self-esteem with an emotional dependency, as I had done years ago in my first relationship. Yes, there were moments when I was struggling so badly that the thought of having to appreciate something influenced and shaped by her, something that is only hers to rule over, even if that something is me, saved me from self-destructiveness. But that was just something for me to cling on in the worst of times. More generally speaking however, she transformed my way of thinking about myself and those around me so thoroughly that my basic self-esteem has become a conviction, something intrinsically linked to my view of the world.
It’s silly to say this - but yes, she genuinely fixed me. She fixed me in a gentle, healthy, resilient, and, goddess willing, long-lasting way.
Thank you, goddess, for making me heal.
Thank you for ending so much of the pain and suffering in my mind.
Thank you, goddess, for allowing me to hand over all control to you, and for leading me out of my own misery.
Goddess, you are superior in every way. You are stability. You are hope. You are kindness. You are the light that shines on my life.
Thank you, goddess, for enabling me to heal.
Thank you, goddess, for fixing me.
Meow.