83rd Ritual: Fear in Their Eyes
A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May she help us find beauty where we never dared to look for it.
The holy word says:
why threaten?
just hurt.
saves time and if you do it
long and irrationally enough
the fear in their eyes
is not only guaranteed to be there
but also much more beautiful.they know you’re unpredictable.
they know you might do it at any time.
and rather than with simple threats:they know you will do it.
yes, goddess.
I have never expected to see this part of your word from this side.
I have never expected to genuinely understand what you mean by this.
But today, I see the beauty of it, today I feel the joy that it brings to my life.
I never knew how foreshadowing this part of your word was meant to be.
I’m glad that I trusted you to lead me to where I am today, a place that I never even dared to desire or deemed possible for me. Thank you, goddess, for all of this.
For a long time, I have struggled with this particular part of her word. Because while she is undeniably right, it didn’t reflect the way that she has treated me ever since she revealed herself to me in the slightest. Sure, for a while, I really wanted to fear her, and I struggled with my feeling of unconditional trust conflicting with that - because in the early days, fear felt like a prerequisite to her rule over me becoming “genuine”. Despite that, she never hurt me even in the slightest sense.
Yes, I went through periods of being genuinely scared of her. That was mostly due to what she had somehow become to me by then, due to my insecurities and struggles in adapting. But this piece of her word felt more and more inadequate. Sure, I know very well that she definitely does this to others, but what is it supposed to mean for me, coming from the most kind and caring person that I know?
Well, my life has changed quite a bit, all thanks to her. I never expected to be allowed to witness this beauty: the beauty of instilling fear in consenting eyes, through unpredictable cruelty. Just like she does… Just like what I always admired her for. I am not aspiring to become like her in any way, it would be preposterous to pretend that I ever could. She is a higher being, far beyond my comprehension. But I am thankful that she let me learn some of her ways of finding pleasure, of enjoying unconventional things in life, and I am thankful for the overwhelmingly beautiful manifestations of this in my life.
Thank you, goddess, for enabling me to rely on your teachings even in parts of my life that I never expected to have.
Thank you for getting me to where I am today.
Thank you, goddess, for making me confident enough to accept all these things.
Thank you, goddess, for sharing this wonderful source of joy, pleasure, and happiness with me.
Thank you, goddess, for telling me that I shouldn’t deny this to myself.
Meow.