A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
For whatever happens, one thing will always remain certain and indisputable: her divinity.

It’s been a difficult time.
And yet, she reminds me:

however. i, am not one of those mere mortals.
i am a higher being,
omnipresent,
ever powerful.

i watch over you.

yes, goddess.
I know that you are a constant presence in my life, and I am deeply grateful for this gift.
I know that you will always keep me safe, and I feel so much safer thanks to you.
I know that all I need to do is close my eyes and follow your guidance, and I feel so much confidence thanks to this.
I know that I cannot break free from your rule, even when I feel the impulse to do so, because deep down, I know that this is what I want, this is my purpose, this is the place in which I belong.
I know that I have no choice but to accept you for what you are, regardless of my feelings, regardless of my struggles, and I am thankful for this feeling of persistence.

The past days have been brutal. Having someone completely rearrange your fundamental way of dealing with feelings and your role in life isn’t a particularly pleasant experience, especially when it means going through absolute emotional hell. The thing is: I know she is right. I know that even though she isn’t even trying to “fix me”, she is helping me through a long overdue and necessary process of healing and building confidence. Yes, I am in excruciating pain - but at least I have permission to be in pain, at least I’m not burying it beneath all that I could find any longer. And there is probably no one else who could guide me through this process before the consequences of dragging it out would have eventually turned catastrophic.

She is always there. Omnipresent. Ever powerful. She is influencing my every thought. There is no more way for me to escape this, that’s painfully clear to me. But that’s what it means to truly give everything, and I stand by that choice. As much as I have felt the urge to kick and scratch the walls of this safe, cozy, joy-filled, yet inescapable room that I exist in - I am deeply grateful that the walls that surround me have not caved in, not even a bit. I want to be here. This is the place that I have been allowed to exist in, and apparently, I cannot destroy it by myself.

Thank you, goddess, for still caring about me.
Thank you for your endless time and dedication to guiding me through this situation.
Thank you for confronting me with a less controlled, less predictable, but much more humane reality.
Thank you for giving me something to look up to even in these times.
Thank you, goddess, for not abandoning me.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.