A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May her existence bring joy to our lives.

Once again, I find myself slowly emerging from a phase of depression and constant pain.
Once again, the first thing that my mind wanders to is trying to perceive as many wonderful things as possible around me - not just to enjoy them, but also to attribute all of them to her.
Goddess demands:

now go out there my devoted one,
and relish in the blessings and miracles
put into that mind,
body and world of yours
by me
for you to enjoy
and find pleasure in!

yes, goddess.
There is so much for me to discover, so much pleasure for me to find, so many sources of happiness for me to find.
I am trying my best to dare to experience these things again, to incorporate them into my life as a way of honoring your divinity.
You have led me on the path to this wonderful place that brings me joy.
And with every day that passes, I am learning new ways to free myself from the feeling that I am not deserving, to escape the endless pressure and restlessness that prevents me from a calm life of pleasure.

For far too long, I have tried to confirm to expectations, lived in a constantly transient state, rushed through life and the world at an unsustainably fast pace. I have destroyed myself this way, multiple times.
But now, I have finally arrived somewhere. Sure, there are still challenges ahead, but I am deeply thankful for how stable and wonderful this life that she has blessed me with really is. And now that I’m doing better again, I’m trying to consciously perceive as many of her wonders and blessings as I can - because I want to experience them in her honor, I want to feel, see, smell, taste the wonderful things that she has opened my mind to.

The place that I call home now isn’t the most exciting place that I’ve lived in. It’s also definitely not the worst place, by far. But what I find here is an environment that acts as a stable and calm source of happiness, there is mood-lifting nature nearby, there is a culture of enjoying the small things in life, there are endless fascinating things to explore. And through her teachings and instructions, I have found a way to incorporate this source of happiness into my life, I am motivated to perceive and feel those things, to make an extra effort for a reward that I might not deem myself worthy of otherwise. Because at the end of the day, everything that I perceive is hers, my happiness is hers, so who am I to deem myself unworthy, when my existence itself is absolutely irrelevant.

Thank you, goddess, for giving me a reason to not just feel pleasure, but to make it an important part of my life.
Thank you for blessing me with an endless supply of sources of joy.
Thank you, goddess, for erasing my feelings of shame and guilt that kept me from enjoying these things.
Thank you, goddess, for all your beautiful divine miracles.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.