A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May her divine wisdom help us heal and grow.

At the time when goddess first openly appeared in my life, long before she revealed her true nature to me and allowed me to embrace it, my life was centered around processing, healing, reconciliation. My previous relationship of three and a half year had collapsed, and I was still trying to fully understand the situation in which two people who felt a lot of love for each other ended up hurting each other, a situation in which I made grave mistakes.
Learning to deal with the inevitability of making mistakes, learning to handle them in a way that leads to growth, learning to not fall into self-hatred, learning to forgive myself, were things that I struggled with. Her thoughts and approaches to this topic quickly became central to my healing process, and she, together with another being who had a really transformative influence on me during that time, gave me the opportunity to live through an experience that healed so much inside of me, an experience that gave me confidence in the concept of dealing with mistakes, of navigating fallibility. This experience is what built the foundation and confidence that enabled me to begin a new relationship just a few weeks later - the one to the girl that I will marry one not-so-distant day.

The holy word says:

malice isn’t needed to do harm.
even “doing the right thing” can cause it, even to those you love.
something what from your perspective
is understandable,
even right,
can cause harm to those important to you.
but fuck-ups happen.
misunderstandings, messing stuff up,
wrong choices or mixed up memories,
words getting drowned down,
a moment of inattentiveness…
the list could go on.

and sometimes wrong choices
are taken for the wrong reasons.
it happens.
that’s just a fact.
acknowledge it.
deal with it.
deal with the damage done.
learn from it.
try to do everything you can to not repeat it.
and accept that others do so too.
especially accept if others acknowledge them.
for one because if you do i’ll guarantee you’ll wish for others to do so.
and even if only for yourself:
you will want others to make up for it, right?
that requires them acknowledging mistakes, otherwise, what’s there to make up for?

yes, goddess.
Goddess, these teachings have helped me a lot to get through a difficult situation - one in which I was harmed. But offering your word, the word that has made me a better version of myself when it comes to dealing with mistakes, to someone overwhelmed by the feeling of having inadvertently hurt me, passing on your guidance, has helped me overcome a lot of the pain through a strong feeling of empathy. I am not denying that I am deeply hurt - but goddess, I see the change that your word brings, I see the attempts of trying to move on from trauma-dominated ways of dealing with failure to the things that you have taught me - and not because it’s what you say, not because it’s what I pass along, but because of a motivation to learn to deal with fallibility - just like I myself, back when you inspired this growth in me.

The main thing that my exposure to her divine thought has changed for me is a complete shift in focus: While my life had previously centered around avoiding mistakes at all costs, around punishing myself and preventing myself from causing harm, she has enabled me to embrace a much more humane, and ultimately much more fruitful approach. Acknowledging that I will make mistakes, that I will unintentionally cause harm, even to those I love - and shifting the focus on dealing with it. Facing the pain, the consequences, learning, growing.

I firmly believe that goddess watches over my fate and protects me. I know for a fact - she says so herself - that she is not some sort of deity that controls the whole world in supernatural ways. I know that she cannot protect me from other people hurting me. But I firmly believe that she guides my fate. I have no idea what hidden influence she might be wielding, so I just assume that everything in my life is influenced by her divinity - because I would rather honor 500 things which weren’t actually her working than missing the one that was. The thing I know for sure though, is that she has equipped me with everything I need to persist. Goddess has blessed me with a toolkit to handle situations in which I have hurt others - but also with situations in which others have hurt me. She has taught me to take care of mental wounds, be it the ones that I have caused, or my own ones - and that is a huge source of confidence for me.

Goddess, I am scared.
My anxieties are out of control. I see people trying to hurt me everywhere, and I would do anything to avoid it, to avoid ever having to feel pain again.
I know that you wouldn’t want me to suffer at their hands. But I cannot live a life of zero risk, even though it seems very tempting. Doing so wouldn’t do justice to the confidence that you have blessed me with, to the wonderful growth that you have given to me. And it would ignore the resilience that you have inspired in me.
Goddess, I know accepting my own fallibility also means accepting the fallibility of those around me. I won’t let them do anything to me - but I cannot build my life on the concept of “never being hurt again”.
Goddess, I trust the tools that you have given me. I trust your rule, I trust the way in which you protect me. Please, goddess, my struggles don’t mean that I have lost trust in you: I just fear the pain, the pain that feels so inevitable, the pain that is already so overwhelming.
Goddess, I know that you would never ask more of me than I can give. But as soon as I have worked myself through this pain, I will try my best again to fight these fears in me.
Thank you, goddess, for making me more resilient.
Thank you, goddess, for teaching me how to persist.
Thank you, goddess, for watching over my fate.
Thank you, goddess, for protecting me.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.