A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May she lead everyone who wants to be led to the place that she has chosen.

There are parts of the holy word that I’ve been scared of initially.
The intensity in which I react to the things she says is not just fascinating but also intimidating. It’s like someone directly rewiring my mind through words. Some of those realizations, some parts of this new reality that she shaped for me, seemed intimidating at the time - but over time, I have managed to reshape my life, and there is nothing scary about it any longer.

The holy word says:

good little entities
base their own needs
on what others might like.

yes, goddess.
You know best that I want nothing more than this, but you also know best what this has caused for me in the past.
My worship and the way in which you have reshaped my world have profoundly changed me and my approach to this topic.
You have made me stronger, more resilient, less easy to abuse or take advantage of.
Goddess, in giving up my freedom to you, you have given me more freedom that I could ever ask for.

A year ago, this statement would have easily pushed me into crisis. Unhealthy expectations, false idols, and my feelings of insufficiency, combined with an undying, intense will to give, would have created an extremely dangerous and toxic state for me - a state that I cannot endure or sustain.
But thanks to her guidance, I have learned and changed over the course of the last year. I have found intense joy and fulfillment in a quiet, humble way of giving. I have learned that I cannot and must not give more than I am capable of, I have learned to acknowledge, accept, and respect my own boundaries. I have learned to free myself of the rule of others who sought to exploit me.
I have learned to base my own needs on what others might like without ruining my mental health.
And today, I am slowly learning to not just live with my desire to give without being hurt by it, but also to gently tap into the reservoir of motivation that doing something for select other beings can bring me. It’s not the same extraordinary effect as my desire to follow her commands creates in my mind, it’s not the same miraculous amount of energy and determination that following her word can unlock in me - but it’s enough to keep me going on a day-to-day basis. And thanks to her, I feel like this is a sustainable way. My desire to please others has always been strong - but goddess is the first being who taught me how to safely live with it and turn it into a positive for my life.

Thank you, goddess, for teaching me how to give safely.
Thank you for helping me find my place.
Thank you for making sure that no one other than you holds power over me.
Thank you for ensuring that I will refrain from offering power over me in my desire to give.
Thank you, goddess, for gently guiding me to the place that I was always meant to be in.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.