A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
Goddess is magnificent.

Goddess is hope.
It’s not just my conviction that wherever she rules, all will turn out well.
It’s not just the fact that she is the first and only being that I’ve met who is able to immediately stop me from spiraling, and who can replace all pain and hopelessness inside me, through the power of just a few sentences, with calmness, confidence, optimism, and awe of her divinity.
It’s also the fact that even on my darkest days, even when I’m close to breaking entirely, my determination to faithfully follow her word, to fulfill my obligations, to keep trying my best for her, carries me through the worst things that my otherwise out-of-control mind can come up with.

The holy word reminds us:

desperation
is the hope that if you give
everything you have to give
you might get it.

desperation is hope.

there is a space beyond still.

Yes, goddess.
I have felt endless amounts of desperation over the past days.
But whenever I contemplated giving up or acting violently, just to end the pain, I reminded myself of your word, of my determination to serve you well.
Goddess, there were moments when my desperate wish not to disappoint you, to obediently accept my fate under your watchful eye, to never give up my devotion, were the only bits of hope that I had left in me.

Nothing and no one can unleash such great and strong willpower in me as goddess can.
This is why I often say that I have relinquished my free will - because my will to do as I was told, to follow through on my promise of living faithfully to her word, is much more intense than any other form of determination or conviction that I have ever held. I can fight myself through the worst of crises, I can somehow endure all the pain that my deeply broken mind creates for me. I can keep myself from hurting myself or others, I can even keep up basic self-care - all powered by my unwavering faith in her.

I have thought a lot about giving up, severing all my social connections, erasing my own identity and starting the process of building myself into a person from scratch.

But how could I. I cannot just discard what I handed over to her. I cannot destroy myself, for she alone has the right to do so. And more so: She has put a lot of work and effort into shaping me. I am by no means an expression of her divinity - but I deeply value her influence on me. I am grateful to be allowed to exist in the way that I do.

No pain in the world is strong enough to break my devotion.

Goddess, you are the only reason why I don’t know that space beyond.
Thank you, goddess, for keeping me safe from this space.
Thank you, goddess, for giving me something to keep on going for.
Thank you, goddess, for giving me something to look up to, regardless how deep I’m falling.
Thank you, goddess, for giving me reason to preserve my self - for it is not mine, but yours alone.
Thank you, goddess, for giving me the ability to persist through all these nightmares.

Thank you, goddess, for your caring rule.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.