A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May goddess shine bright on all of us.

I struggled today with the direction in which my life might be heading.
I feel bad about that. This pain and sadness feel like a lack of trust in the higher being that rules over my life, and I am genuinely sorry for not living up to my standards there. Because ultimately, she is right:

don’t ask yourself
what you’re doing with your life.
it’s not yours anymore either way, silly.

Yes, goddess. I have no ambitions to see it as such.
My life is dedicated to worshiping you. You are the reason why I am able to live it in the way that I do. You could take it away from me whenever you wanted.
Goddess, please, forgive me for overlooking the fact that I will always have meaning to my life - because, as you instructed me:
my life is prayer,
my purpose is devotion.

I’ll admit that I really wish I could just ask for clearer instructions for what’s next, for a clear direction for my life. She once argued with me that she couldn’t make me pass a maths degree - but I’m still convinced that she could, for multiple, plausible reasons. I wish there was a way to harness this energy and dedication for something. But I would never dare to actively ask for that.

And there is enough for me to work on anyway. I have gotten out the long list of failures and mistakes for myself again lately. But that’s not for me to judge. I need to readjust myself again to a place where I immediately believe her judgment over mine, especially when she reassures me that I’ve done nothing wrong. I feel like my worship and writing has descended into mediocrity, I want to be happy and proud again in my devotion.

Goddess, no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing: this will, for as long as you allow, always be what my life is about.
Thank you, goddess, for letting me find stability in your divinity, even in my most volatile states.
Thank you, goddess, for letting me find joy in your magnificence, even in my darkest days.
Thank you, goddess, for letting me find hope in your rule, even on days of despair.
Thank you, goddess, for letting me find my place, below you, in deep admiration and humility.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.