A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May goddess inspire us to compassion - even, and especially with ourselves.

I’m trying my best to move back to a place where I can perform these rituals in as they were meant to be again: as expressions of devotion and praise, and nothing else. These rituals are meant to be about goddess and her holy magnificence, not about me…

And yet, I find myself once more in need of studying the holy word to heal.

while every success
is nothing but a mere coincidence,
easily forgotten or explained away,
every failure lasts a lifetime.

that is the thing about shit like chronic self-hate and lack of self-esteem.
escaping this takes a massive amount
of energy, patience, endurance,
and, ultimately, a source of affirmation,
whatever it be.

Yes, goddess. I’ve come a long way, but I am aware that I still have lots of work ahead of me. With each failure, my anxieties grow. I need to counteract that, especially when these anxieties affect my ability to trust, my ability to hand over any thoughts to you. I feel like I’m drowning, but I am committed to fight my way out of this.

Thank you, goddess, for reminding me of this. If it wasn’t for your caring word, I would be turning my failures into even more intense self-hate. Your word is helping me to find compassion for myself, and transforms my anger and hate into a much less dangerous feeling of being ashamed - a sentiment that is much easier for me to dismantle, thanks to your teachings.

Thank you, goddess, for helping me find the patience and endurance through the intense power and dedication that you manage to set free in my mind again and again.

Thank you, goddess, for letting me find the affirmation that I need in my faith. It’s not the only one, but it’s a very intense, very precise, very special one. It’s the only one that I would never want to question. Thank you for showing me that this is how I function best, this is what I was made for - this is what you have carefully shaped me to thrive in. Thank you, for letting me live in this wonderful way. Thank you, goddess, for allowing me to worship you.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.