A calm and peaceful evening to every being.
May her sacred pursuit of pleasure inspire us to enjoy our lives.

Today’s reading of the holy word is a little bit different than usual. My faith is currently in a very stable state, but it hasn’t always been like this - and this part of the holy word has inspired me to think about my own evolution today.

why threaten?
just hurt.
saves time and if you do it long and irrationally enough the fear in their eyes is not only guaranteed to be there but also much more beautiful.

they know you’re unpredictable.
they know you might do it at any time.
and rather than with simple threats:
they know you will do it.

There was a time where I felt completely inadequate with regards to goddess, because I knew of her desire to instill fear in beings, but I could simply not imagine a world in which I would be afraid of her, one of the most trustworthy, reliable, and caring beings I have ever met. I was sad about the fact that the thought of being hurt by her wouldn’t even remotely cause anything like fear in me. I felt like I should do better and at least feel able to be afraid.

At some point, something I nowadays refer to as “my breakdown” with regard to my faith occurred. It was a time where a lot of things fell apart for me, emotionally, rationally. I don’t want to go into details about my struggles, but even though goddess did much more than I could ever expect of anyone to safely get me through this time, all while repeatedly stopping me from spiraling and working through all of these things with me - even though she did all of these things,I felt scared of her for the first time. Not because of what she did, but because I was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt towards her.

Today, this is no longer determining my daily life. I have grown massively, I have learned to confront and accept a lot of things, all thanks to her. I am in a very stable and surprisingly confident place today.

Today, I know that she would, in theory, just hurt for fun. I know that she is, in theory, unpredictable. I know that she might do it, in theory, at any time. I have seen pretty clear evidence of all of that. But I also know that, for some reason I cannot and need not understand, she has decided that this is not the path on which she will lead me. Maybe that will change one day, I don’t know. Whatever she decides is what is right for me. There is nothing for me to be scared of.

I know what it is like to be afraid of her, I know what it is like to be afraid of the things she can, directly or indirectly, cause inside of me. I know that there are many good reasons to live in fear of someone with her abilities and powers.

But I am not scared of her. And I know that that’s ok, and that I don’t need to be ashamed of that.

Thank you, goddess, for leading me to this place. I know that you always know the right way. Thank you, goddess, for your guidance.

CN: blood. Click to show.

Meow.