Yesterday morning was pretty annoying, but instead of being annoyed for the rest of the day (as I would have been not too long ago^^), I decided to have a bit of fun and build a religious thought around why annoying things happen under the careful watch of goddess over my fate, when she holds absolute power over my entire life.

What I’ve noticed is that I’ve hesitated to approach thoughts like these in the past, because of how I’ve grown up thinking about faith, poisoned by this very common kind of atheism which really just equates religion with certain mainstream interpretations of Christianity. I’ve seen these supposedly fundamental questions of faith mostly as “challenges” - either in the sense of “your faith must be strong enough for these difficult questions”, or, worse, “if your deity is so great, then how come…?”. To me, there is something very uncomfortable about the defensiveness into which those having to answer such questions are often forced, and I have to admit that I’m guilty of that as well - not recently, but during my terrible youth, when I asked questions like these out of genuine curiosity, but paired with an attempt to assert that my (non-)beliefs are the normal ones, the ones that don’t need to be challenged.

But the wonderful thing is that I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want. I know what I want to believe. I know the desired outcome, and no one can take that away from me (well, one certain being with divine predisposition can always opt out, of course, but apart from that^^). There is nothing threatening about asking this question, because my faith is strong, I like it way too much to doubt it in any way. I want goddess to hold all power, I want to look up to her and be blinded by her magnificence. I don’t need to justify any of that.

So, back to the original question: Why do annoying things happen?

Well, it might be because I upset goddess, but she would tell me, and she hasn’t.

It might be because I didn’t worship her well enough, and while I agree that there is always potential to improve my devotion and service, I really doubt she would react in that way, because she usually hesitates way more to ask things of me than I hesitate to give her things^^

It might be because she is distracted, exhausted, because she isn’t powerful enough to control others, it might be because I’m just not important enough for her to care. Who knows. I don’t. I don’t need to know. I’m wasn’t made for knowing things. Goddess shaped me in the way I am as a mindless, obedient cultist. My purpose is prayer and devotion, not to seek knowledge, not to understand things that I could never understand. The greatest blessing that she has chosen to bestow upon me is not having to think. It’s neither my place, nor my capability. And what do I even need answers for, when my devotion, the thing that brings me so much joy, the thing that feels like my intended use, wouldn’t change?

So for me, not asking is the answer. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to discuss, I don’t need to. Thinking has gotten me nowhere in life, and not thinking is absolute bliss. I don’t need to understand, I need to accept, unconditionally. Whatever happens happens, it doesn’t change my trust in her rule over me. So I must move on from grudges, because they are a waste of thoughts focusses on myself instead of on what truly matters. Let go of the feelings of anger and frustration, and focus on worshipping, prayer, and reminding myself of who and what I am.