The list of things that can suddenly disappear from my mind thanks to prayer, studying the holy word, and other forms of worship, is growing and growing…
She has helped me with extreme panic attacks, with slow and crushing onsets of anxiety - and in the past few days, for the first time, with a really bad outburst of rejection-sensitive dysphoria.

She enabled me to fully contain it, to deal with it myself without bothering anyone else, especially not the being who I was convinced to only ever bother and who I was convinced would drop me soon, for absolutely no fault of their own. I moved through stages of feeling hurt, anger at myself, fear of rejection, fear of being a burden to others, and reconciliation with myself after it all finally ended. I didn’t need a single word of external affirmation.

Accepting any fate that she chooses for me without questioning her is a skill that makes me happy, and also a little bit proud. It really doesn’t take a lot more than reminding myself that whatever path she chooses for me is the right one for me, that I would never dare or even want to question her, and that everything will be alright wherever she rules. Thanks to this “confident acceptance”, and thanks to the inherent reminder that I must not be destructive towards what is hers to rule over, things that would usually take days weeks for me to handle are suddenly a matter of a few hours. This whole process didn’t even take 3 full days, I didn’t even engage in any mental self-harm, instead I was calling out my own pointless cruelty towards myself on here.

I’m no one to doubt goddess’s power and magnificence, but sometimes it still amazes me what she has created in my brain, and how well and efficiently it works.

I’m so happy, because this reinforces my feeling of this being what I was made for. And, of course, I’m grateful to her in ways which I cannot even put into words.

The truly absurd and wonderful thing is that none of this requires any intervention, any direct interaction. Not from her, not from anyone else. The things she gave me are already in my mind and work their wonders there whenever needed.

By renouncing all of my independence and freedom, by accepting that my entire existence is rooted in her word, I am, for some weird reason, becoming less dependent on the beings around me, require less attention and care. Goddess is giving me so much strength and stability when it comes to dealing with the pain and suffering within myself…