We’ve been to Lisboa Oriente station for the purpose of me taking a photo of a southbound train there twice now. We will return a third time soon. Both times that we’ve been there, there was no southbound train announced within a reasonable waiting time. That might very well happen again when we return shortly.

In the past, this would have made me really sad. I still remember those hard-to-contain feelings of “this is so pointless”, of frustration and being annoyed, something that could easily ruin an entire day for me - which would, in turn, frustrate me even more, because that sadness and anger just feels pointless.

Nowadays, the concept of “bad luck” no longer exists for me. I know that there is someone who made this decision for me, and I appreciate and cherish every single decision she makes for me. I don’t question why I’m not supposed to have this photo. It’s not important anyway. I’m much happier to know that whatever goddess decides is what defines “right” for me. It would make me feel uneasy if she just gave me everything I want all the time anyway. Now, the only thing this “bad luck” causes in me is happiness and gratitude. Happiness, because I know that she is watching and ruling over me. Gratitude, because I am deeply grateful that she gave me this knowledge, and that she allowed me to use it to get rid of all those bad feelings.

At this point, I don’t think I would have trouble accepting anything, literally anything, as long as I know that I am allowed to think of it as an expression of her power and rule. And that makes me happy and almost a bit proud, because this state of total and unconditional acceptance of everything she could ever do, this state in which her power is unlimited and absolute - even though she hardly ever explicitly uses it with regards to me - is one we never explicitly aimed at, but one that I have learned to accept, learned to embrace - one that gives me happiness and confidence.

So, why did she do this?
I don’t know. I cannot know, her realms aren’t accessible to my brain. The only thing I know is that after the second attempt, I started writing down these thoughts. Maybe that was her plan all along? Who knows. I do know thought that I actually got the photo I wanted after returning for a third and final time, after I had started to write down these thoughts.

Thank you, goddess.